SKELTER IN PLACE: The Corona Advice Column, by “Dr.” Doug Young, Unlicensed Therapist
March 29, 2020
Help! My family and I are trapped in a cabin!
Dear Doctor Young
A few weeks ago, before the lockdown in Atherton, California — one of the richest communities in the world, according to Forbes— my family and I flew to Vail for our annual ski vacation. We stayed at our modest $26,000,000 cabin (7,738 square feet) which, as Trulia has noted, comes with “unparalleled access to the ski slopes, unobstructed views of the Gore Range and pristine natural surroundings.” Since the governor of Colorado Jared Polis (a buddy of mine and fellow Princeton alum) ordered shelter in place, I’ve been forced to think of ways to survive the constant ministrations of my beautiful wife who is thirty years younger and was first runner-up in the 2017 Stockholm Beauty pageant. I also have to endure my twin boys who, when they are not adoring me and calling me “Studly,” hide in their respective suites, tuning in to their Harvard classes via Zoom so that my wife (let’s call her Ebbe) and I can enjoy more “alone time,” which we do naked (heh heh) on the East Wing of our little abode which was “meticulously created by designers and artisans to emphasize flow and privacy with limestone flooring, hand-trough Venetian plaster walls and Koa wood harvested from Hawaii” (Zillow). The boys do all the grocery shopping, and tonight we’re having Japanese A5 Wagyu Rib Roast, which Ebbe, in her stunning Shenyang City Gold Lingerie Bikini, cooks to perfection on our Tec Infra-Red four-burner gas grill.
— Venting from Vail
Dear Venting
Not sure I understand. Why are you telling me all this?
— DY
Dear DY
Are you kidding? I’m telling everyone.
— VFV
