1. You catch your husband in bed, in the middle of the night, checking Zillow for the prices of homes in Florida.
  2. He spends most mornings chuckling by the living room window, muttering to himself, “fucking birds.”
  3. He has an alert on his Jitterbug phone to remind him to watch Fox and Friends at 3 AM Pacific.
  4. He hides his dentures in your leftovers, just “to get a rise” out of you.
  5. On the last balance of your joint Discover card, you see a purchase of $1,399 from the Franklin Mint.
  6. He seems to have forgotten your name. He sometimes calls you “tinker doodle,” or “lady.”
  7. He wakes you up suddenly one night and asks, “where are you hiding my TV Guides … woman?”



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Giovanni Rodriguez

Giovanni Rodriguez

Writer, amateur blacksmith, future Pope.